Jan 14
Tonight while picking up our To Go order from Bahn Thai (an excellent local restaurant) I witnessed a man and woman first becoming “boyfriend and girlfriend”. I know this because I was eavesdropping… it’s what I do.
It’s funny because they were laughing when they were officially calling each other themselves each others boy and/or girlfriend, they were taking pictures of each other with their cell phones so they’d see their respective faces when calling each other, etc. It reminded me of all the giddiness that goes with starting a new relationship.
Nov 17
Moe: How are you doin’?
Me: Hungry.
Moe: Can’t help you with that. But I can give you 3½ inches of love.
For the sake of clarity, the aforementioned “3½ inches of love” was a floppy disk with a code review request. Disk… not the other thing; though comments to the contrary were made.
Oct 27
Moe: I’m gonna get some Dick’s in me when I go to Seattle tonight.
Me: *blink* How many?
Moe: Probably just two.
Me: Is that all you can fit in?
Moe: <realizing the faux pas> Asshole.
It’s funny how a simple comment can be taken out of context. Or at least pushed out of context.
Apr 08
Me: “So is she really pregnant?”
ProcJ: “I don’t know. If so it ain’t mine! If they try to say it is I’m gonna go down Jenny Jones style.”
The sound of laughter then fills the room.
Mar 21
A buddy of mine and I were talking about the news coverage from Iraq and he told me something that he and his bandmates were saying (loosely quoted):
We have the technology to get a video stream of a girl fucking a donkey clear as a bell on the Internet, but just try getting a decent videophone feed from Iraq!
Oct 09
You can’t tell, but in the picture below:
The small white and black speck that appears vaguely human-shaped is my friend Moe, standing at the Seattle-Bainbridge Island ferry terminal and waiting to go home.
The Internet is a funny thing, really. It’s a wonderful source for information, pr0n, and making sure friends and co-workers aren’t yanking your chain when they say they missed a ferry.
Who said Orwell’s vision was wrong?
Aug 09
Overheard in a public restroom:
Cell phone user: Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?
*Sound of #1 splashing on porcelein*
Cell phone user: Hello? Hey, it’s me. No. I’m in a bathroom. Bathroom.
*Continued sound of #1 splashing on porcelein*
Cell phone user: Hello? What? Hello?
*Sound of what is apparently cell phone user peeing on his shoe*
Cell phone user: Shit! Damn it!
*Sound of zipper*
Cell phone user: Hello? Fucking cell phone!
*Sound of man leaving bathroom. No apparent hand-washing.*
Jun 21
Trash talkin’ during ping-pong gets funny. Again.
Team 1 Player 1: OK, so the score is 1-9, your favor.
Team 1 Player 2: Damn!
Team 2 Player 1: (To Team 1 Player 1) Yeah, good going there, “Skills McFadden”.
Team 2 Player 2 (me): Laughing Did you just say “Skills McFadden”? What the hell is that about?
T1P1: Is that supposed to be like “Gates McFadden“?
T1P2: (Looking puzzled at his team mate)
T2P1: Yeah!
T1P2: Dude, at least she’s hot!
All but T1P2: (Laughing hysterically at the comment made by T1P2)
T2P2: I guess you must be Wesley then… you’re Wil Wheaton!
T2P1: Yeah… you’re “Skills Wheaton”!
The phrase “Skills Wheaton” made us all laugh hysterically.
May 19
The scene: Surreal conversation between strangers in the downtown Seattle Bon Marche Macy’s, just outside of the women’s restroom.
Homeless person: Hey bro… got any money for my sister-in-law so she can get some jo-jo’s or something?
Me: Sorry buddy. I don’t have any cash on me.
Homeless person: Then how are you buying all that stuff? (the bags under Evan’s stroller.)
Me: Um… why?
Homeless person: Never mind. How do I look?
Me: Um… you look OK to me.
Homeless person: I’ve been drinking since I woke up and I’m fucked up. Hey, did you see my sister-in-law? She’s kinda cute, I’d like to date her but she’s my sister-in-law. You gotta take care of the women in your life, y’know? Do my eyes look bloodshot? I’m fucked up right now; drunk.
Me: *silence*
Homeless person: *awkward smile*